38 INT. BEACH HOUSE DINING ROOM - NIGHT

The family is in good cheer, except Ashley, who sulks at the table. Pam makes a grand entrance from the kitchen with a beautiful golden-brown TURKEY on a platter.

PAM
Ta-da!

DALE
Mmm, smells great. Can't wait to
'gobble' it up.

Everyone but Ashley LAUGHS. The family reaches out to one another to HOLD HANDS. Ashley JERKS AWAY when Kristen grabs hers.

ASHLEY
Don't touch me.

PAM
Ashley, what's wrong?

ASHLEY
Nothing's wrong.
(with disgust)
Everything's perfect.

DALE
Darn tootin'. So let's join
hands and pray.

ASHLEY
Dad, you're an atheist.

DALE
Honey, we just have so darn much
to be grateful for.

Ashley can't take it anymore. She stands, nearly knocking over the chair.

ASHLEY
What has happened to you people?

JOE
Ashley, what's your problem?

ASHLEY
Them! 'Let's play charades!'
'Let's make pie!' Let's get out
of here, Joe.

She starts out, tuns back. Joe is still seated.

JOE
I'm not going anywhere.

ASHLEY
Please... we'll have Thanksgiving
on our own.

JOE
I like it here. I like your
family. And I think... I think...

ASHLEY
You think what?

JOE
I'm falling in love with
your sister.

Ashley stares at him, shocked. Everyone falls silent.

ASHLEY
What?

JOE
I'm sorry, but...
(to Kristen)
I've never met anyone like you.
Everything you do, everything you
say is... perfect.

The rest of the family reacts, sincere.

PAM
Isn't that just the sweetest thing
you have ever heard?

DALE
You be good to my daughter, Joe,
you hear?

ROB
Wow. You can't capture emotions
like this on videotape.

Ashley looks at everyone, utterly flabbergasted.

ASHLEY
Has everyone gone insane? My
boyfriend's in love with my
sister! My boyfriend!

PAM
(sweetly)
Voices, voices...

Kristen rises and heads for the kitchen.

ASHLEY
Where the hell are you going?

KRISTEN
(brightly)
We forgot the yams.

39 INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)

Ashley is right on her sister's heels.

ASHLEY
You steal my boyfriend, then you
go to get yams?

KRISTEN
I'm sorry, Ashley, but no one can
predict the course of true love.

ASHLEY
True love?

KRISTEN
I feel your pain. I really do.

Kristen pulls two PANS out of the oven.

KRISTEN
Regular. And candied.

ASHLEY
Would you forget the damn yams?

KRISTEN
But the yams are ready.

Ashley grabs Kristen by the shoulders and SHAKES HER.

ASHLEY
You want to feel my pain? Put
the vegetables down.

Joe comes in and sees Ashley grasping Kristen.

JOE
Ashley! Let go of her.

Kristen begins going into SPASMS, jerking violently. Ashley lets go and backs away, confused.

KRISTEN
Candied! People! Yams the
forgot we!

JOE
(to Ashley)
What did you do to her?

Suddenly, Kristen's head JERKS forward--

--and her EYE POPS OUT OF ITS SOCKET. It dangles there, connected by WIRES to CIRCUITRY in her head.

Ashley SCREAMS.

JOE
(majorly freaked)
Kristen?

Kristen SMILES; nonchalantly puts the eye back in the socket.

KRISTEN
Whoops. Looks like I'll have to
pay a visit to the eye doctor.

Joe stares at Kristen, numbly transfixed, as Ashley backs away in horror. She BUMPS into Dale, Pam, and Rob, who are standing in the doorway. Ashley YELPS and turns to see them.

PAM
Honey?

Ashley looks closely at her family. Their eyes FLASH with ELECTRICITY, and we hear the BUZZ of MACHINERY at work. A glitch causes Pam to STUTTER as she finishes her thought.

PAM
We're still-- still-- still
waiting on those yams.

Ashley looks on in shock.

--written by
Dean Batali & Rob DesHotel

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